Archive

18. world's worst cookie
17. bad moon unicorn
16. the prophetic physician
15. world's lamest toy
14. world's ugliest lamp
13. anti-terror trash cans
12. dead guy frame
11. car turntable
10. dog dancing
9. seeing-eye horses
8. the inappropriate logo
7. the catalog catalog
6. the modern day racist
5. freshstart network
4. baby-vac
3. beefalo
2. the marked bible
1. mcdonalds ring

THE MARKED BIBLE

So I pull my mail out of that impossibly small metal box they give you in your average NYC apartment, and see this thing staring back at me. Man, I think, this thing may really change my life. I may dedicate my life to Christ and turn around my gambling, drinking, thieving ways and finally find peace of mind. I mean, that's what they seem to be advertising here...

Curiously I open the front cover to see who is sending me this drek. Much to my surprise and dread, it has been mailed out by a company calling itself the United Prison Ministries International. That's odd, I think, but completely understandable considering the average rapist and murderer's ability to find God at particularly convenient times.

The thing goes on to tell a preachy story about a bunch of people on a ship who talk about what it means to be a true Christian, but then I get to something that just floors me:

Um , did they just call all Jews "Christ killers?" I believe they did. Are they insinuating by the statement "He doesn't look much like a Christ killer" that all Jews look the same? You know, hooked nose, kinky hair, etc. Wow, sounds like the United Prison Ministries International are a pretty enlightened bunch--for fuckin' KKK members. I'm sure there are a ton of Jews in Verbena, Alabama, home of the UPMI. I'm sure they are all hanging out together at the local Chinese restaurant on Christmas Eve...

The scariest thing is that this non-profit organization is sending these bibles and pamphlets to prisoners. Nothing like a captive audience through which to spread hate and disinformation disguised as religion. I'm sure this pamphlet received a very warm welcome on the Upper West and Upper East Side when it graced the mailboxes of what I know is a pretty big crowd of Jews and gentiles who find this crap to be offensive and backwards.

I encourage you to visit their site and e-mail them and tell them that they can go punt.