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Archive
Untitled Document
Archive 14
greatest actor of his gen.
why sirius/xm will fail
the 2nd worst block in nyc
prod. tes: dentyne blast
the subaru
Archive 13
the decemberists
philadelphia
tokyo police club
acupuncture
the antichrist goes home
Archive 12
bubba's secret campaign
celeb sighting 8: steve schirripa
the police @ msg
celeb sighting 7: andrew mccarthy
puerto vallarta, mexico
Archive 11
kurt vonnegut: r.i.p.
worst boss ever
best purchase ever
ogunquit, me
bummer movies
Archive 10
pearl jam
dodge earthfucker
montclair: hipster central
24
halo 2
Archive 9
the cali roadtrip
celeb sighting 6: rupaul
product 1: diet coke w/ splenda
cell phone headsets
casualties of war
Archive 8
celeb sighting 5: max kellerman
booze experimentation
deus ex: invisible war
the weakest fortune ever
celeb sighting 4: christina aguilera
Archive 7
the six flags guy
celeb sighting 3: len berman
celeb sighting 2: christena pyle
max payne 2
celeb sighting 1: amber valletta
Archive 6
st. thomas, usvi
mr. hipster goes domestic
the danger of googling
halo
why i love whitney matheson
Archive 5
joe strummer tribute show
london part deux
london
new jersey state fair
lake george, ny
Archive 4
hdtv
kennebunkport, maine
the ponies
slow jams
the opera
Archive 3
ford motor company
look kids, parliament
tuesdays with morrie
snow
the blogger bash
Archive 2
freedom
the geniuses at fox
the blvd of porn & trinkets
the ugly bar
city kids
Archive 1
suburban cops
fat loss miracle
the free gift
sunflower seeds
unemployment
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the cali
roadtrip
celeb sighting 6: rupaul
product 1: diet coke w/ splenda
cell phone headsets
casualties of war
There's nothing like leaving the rainy-ass
East Coast for a drive in convertible up the sunny California
Coast. This trip was almost perfect, so here's the itinerary:
SATURDAY
LOS ANGELES
breakfast: New York Bagel
lunch: Fat
Burger
dinner: Hana
Sushi
lodging: Casa de Mi Familia
SUNDAY
LA to BALLARD / SANTA YNEZ
breakfast: New York Bagel
lunch: Subway
(Oxnard)
dinner: Hitching
Post II (Buellton)
lodging: Ballard
Inn
MONDAY
BALLARD / SANTA YNEZ
breakfast: Ballard
Inn
wineries: Andrew
Murray, Longoria,
Bridlewood,
Buttonwood,
Rusack
lunch: Panino
(Los Olivos)
dinner: Brother's
Restaurant at Mattei's Tavern (Los Olivos)
lodging: Ballard
Inn
TUESDAY
BALLARD to CAMBRIA
breakfast: Ballard
Inn
lunch: Splash
Cafe (Pismo Beach)
Dinner: West
End Bar & Grill
After Dinner Drinks: Cambria
Pines Lodge
lodging: Moonstone
Cottages
WEDNESDAY
CAMBRIA to BIG SUR
breakfast: Moonstone
Beach Bar and Grill
tourist stop: Hearst
Castle
Lunch: Lucia
Lodge
Dinner: Cielo
lodging: Lucia
Lodge
THURSDAY
BIG SUR
breakfast: Lucia
Lodge
lunch: Village
Corner (Carmel)
tourist stop: Monterey
Bay Aquarium (Monterey)
pre-dinner drinks: Nepenthe
dinner: Deetjens
lodging: Lucia
Lodge
FRIDAY
BIG SUR to SANTA BARBARA
breakfast: Lucia
Lodge
lunch: Taco
Bell (Morro Bay)
pre-dinner drinks: 31
West
more pre-dinner drinks: State
and A Bar & Grill
dinner: Bouchon
lodging: Hotel
Andalucia
SATURDAY
SANTA BARBARA to LOS ANGELES
breakfast: Ruby's
Cafe
lunch: The
Biltmore
tourist stop: Santa
Barbara Zoo
dinner: Kay
'n Dave's Cantina (Los Angeles)
lodging: Casa de Mi Familia
Man or woman, this guy is tall. He looks like a pencil with a peanut M&M perched on top. Seriously, his head is shaped like one of those smaller candies you find in the pack that somehow didn't go all the way through the chocolate and candy coating cycle. He has the Dennis Johnson freckles and those stupid giant shades that the chicks are wearing these days. It's so obvious he is who he is that it's laughable. Standing on the corner of Broadway and 50th, he cuts quite a unique figure. It's interesting to see that as a citizen of NYC he actually hides his identity by shedding it. He's honestly much more wild looking as a man than he is as a woman. I'm not sure what RuPaul is up to these days (besides hanging out on city corners), but there must be a need somewhere out there for a weird looking dude with a high-pitched voice and a penchant for garter belts and bustiers.
and your boyfriend too!
It was some six or seven years ago when I made
the switch from Coke
to Diet Coke.
That change can only be attributed to moving in with a woman. Look
at your single-living male friends and notice that almost all of
them, despite their growing girth, still drink the original sugary
stuff. It's not something that happened without a little bit of
bitching, mind you. All I could think of were the babysips of my
folks' saccharinely Diet
Rite growing up that tasted like a bubbly block of sea salt.
How would I ever survive?
And then, like everything else in life, I just got used to the taste.
Sure, it's not the same. Sure, I feel like a bit of a dandy drinking
out of that silver can. But these are the sacrifices we make for
love. In fact, I've stepped even one more rung down the Coke ladder
by agreeing to let Caffeine Free Diet Coke into my home. That one
kills me, but I've already been emasculated by the whole one calorie
thing, so I might as well hang my head and let the weak waves of
watered down soda wash over me.
And then, purely by chance, I came across what I think is a new
product: Diet
Coke made with Splenda. Yeah, that's the stuff that isn't sugar,
but is made with sugar--or so they claim in their commercials, and
the Sweet-n-Low
and Equal people
claim is an out-and-out lie. What the hell do I know other than
it tastes a whole lot better to me than the other fake stuff that
corporate America has foisted upon the diet-crazed and weight-obsessive
culture that has been reinforced by anyone and everyone who can
collect a dollar by making women think their asses are too fat.
Since it's been so long since I've drank Coke on a regular basis,
I've become accustomed to the slightly metallic, dull taste of the
Diet stuff. I've tried to stave off total boredom by going to Diet
Dr. Pepper whenever available, but that stuff is horrendous
if not consumed immediately. There really is nothing worse on this
planet than flat and/or warm Diet Dr. Pepper. I believe that's when
it decomposes into its prune juice and Nutrasweet base and just
ferments into some foul swill that might take the shine off of chrome,
but certainly causes gastronomic convulsions of epic proportions.
splendid?
Now I've had Splenda
in my coffee on occasion. Generally the office coffee I drink is
so horrible that the stuff is rendered inconsequential. But Splenda
in Diet Coke makes it taste more like what I remember regular Coke
tasting like. The sad part is, I've been so conditioned to the metallic
nastiness of the Diet stuff that the taste (or facsimile thereof)
is almost too sweet for me. I've been told by some that Splenda
is especially sweet, but this Splenda-infused soda does indeed conjure
up memories of post-soccer games, Saturday matinees and pizza parties.
Of course my tastebuds have been destroyed for years, as my mother
lied to me growing up, telling me I was allergic to chocolate and
forcing me into an early life of carob Tiger's
Milk bars. Yuck, that chocolate was so sweet compared to its
nasty, chalky cousin, carob. Despite my skewed perception, I'm going
to give Diet Coke with Splenda a thumbs up for now--pending the
inevitable government test that it causes cancer and memory loss
in laboratory rats.
Is it just me or do people look like complete
morons walking around with those Bluetooth wireless headsets on?
I mean, how many fuckin' phone calls do you get that you need to
have that thing in your ear at all times? Are you the Secretary
of Homeland Security or an operator at the Franklin
Mint? Are you taking orders at the Burger
King drive-thru or taking donation at the star-studded Tsunami
telethon? Seeing these dorks walking around the city reminds
me of something equally dorky: the dudes sitting in the Deathstar
right as the giant laser is going to blast the rebel base to dust.
Granted, those dudes are androids.
hey,yo, is Darth there?
But I did finally see someone the other that
actually deserved to be wearing one of these things (and, no, it
wasn't this Mike
Watt look-a-like pictured above). It was a guy in a wheelchair.
Yes, this should be, along with para or quadriplegics, the only
people allowed to use a device like this. After all, it's not exactly
easy to steer a wheelchair while trying to answer and hold a phone,
is it? So, you lazy, pretentious bastards out there with your working
limbs and nimble fingers; take that damn thing out of your ear and
maybe pay attention to your wife or your kids or the world around
you. The call couldn't be that important.
So, there I was listening to an old Eric B. & Rakim album the other day... Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but Mr. Hipster may not dig on swine, but he does love his old skool rap. Anyway, I was being lulled to sleep by Rakim's smooth delivery when I heard a song I hadn't really listened to--really listened to--in a long time: Casualties of War.
Now, despite being one of the lamest covers of all time, this album, Don't Sweat the Technique, has this true piece of prognostication on it:
Casualties of war; as I approach the barricade
Where's the enemy? who do I invade?
Bullets of teflon, bulletproof vest rip
Tear ya outta ya frame with a bag full of clips
Cause I got a family that waits for my return
To get back home is my main concern
I'ma get back to New York in one piece
But I'm bent in the sand that is hot as the city streets
Sky lights up like fireworks blind me
Bullets, whistlin over my head remind me...
President Bush said attack
Flashback to 'Nam, I might not make it back
Missile hits the area, screams wake me up
From a war of dreams, heat up the m-16
Basic training, trained for torture
Take no prisoners, and I just caught ya
Addicted to murder, send more bodybags
They can't identify 'em, leave the nametags
I get a rush when I see blood, dead bodies on the floor
Casualties of war! (4x)
Day divides the night and night divides the day
It's all hard work and no play
More than combat, it's far beyond that
Cause I got a kill or be killed kind of attack
Area's mapped out, there'll be no, stratego
Me and my platoon make a boom wherever we go
But what are we here for? Who's on the other side of the wall?
Somebody give The President a call
But I hear warfare scream through the air
Back to the battlegrounds, it's war they declare
A desert storm: let's see who reigns supreme
Something like monopoly: a government scheme
Go to the army, be all you can be
Another dead soldier? Hell no, not me
So I start letting off ammunition in every direction
Allah is my only protection
But wait a minute, Saddam Hussein prays the same
And this is Asia, from where I came
I'm on the wrong side, so change the target
Shooting at the general; and where's the sergeant?
Blame it on John Hardy Hawkins for bringing me to america
Now it's mass hysteria
I get a rush when I see blood, dead bodies on the floor
Casualties of war! (4x)
The war is over, for now at least
Just because they lost it don't mean it's peace
It's a long way home, it's a lot to think about
Whole generation, left in doubt
Innocent families killed in the midst
It'll be more dead people after this
So I'm glad to be alive and walkin
Half of my platoon came home in coffins
Except the general, buried in the storm
In bits and pieces no need to look for 'em
I played it slick and got away with it
Rigged it up so they would think they did it
Now I'm home on reserves and you can bet
When they call, I'm going AWOL
Cause it ain't no way I'm going back to war
When I don't know who or what I'm fighting for
So I wait for terrorists to attack
Every time a truck backfires I fire back
I look for shelter when a plane is over me
Remember pearl harbor? New York could be over, g
Kamikaze, strapped with bombs
No peace in the East, they want revenge for Saddam
Did I hear gunshots, or thunder?
No time to wonder, somebody's going under
Put on my fatigues and my camoflouge
Take control, cause I'm in charge
When I snapped out of it, it was blood, dead bodies on the floor
Casualties of war! (4x)
And just so you realize... This song was released thirteen years ago! I was locked in a fraternity basement during most of The Gulf War, so I missed most of that fun stuff, but this song about that skirmish has all the same players (well, now we got GW Bush instead of GHW Bush , but you know they're cut from the same cloth) and a lot of the same sentiments--at least those espoused by Mr. Rakim. And I thought everyone loved war! Anyhow, food for thought. |
