The Drowning ep
Amazon
There are some seriously cringe-worthy lyrics
on this combination ep. I believe he asks the deep question,
"So, sneakers or flip-flops? I'm starting to panic!"
at one point during the thing. The guy wants so badly to be
Robert Smith, as he croons about love and safety and even loudly
emotes about what he's going to wear. Somehow he ruins it all
singing about "gettin' some" and pronounces "happy"
without the "h" sound at the beginning so you might
be fooled into thinking he's a whiny Brit and not just an American
castrato. If this is the crap teenage girls are listening to
these days, I may drown myself in a bucket. |
The Places You Have Come to Fear Most
Is it possible this album is even cheesier
than the first? "Nobody cares!" whines Carrabba on
the first track. Of course nobody cares you damn pussy, that's
life. Why the hell is "Screaming Infidelities" on
this album too? Is this the remix? Did he use a twelve string
this time? Uh, it sounds like a wimpier version of the one on
his debut, The Swiss Army Romance. I'm so bored I'm
going to faint. I want to hug my stuffed animals and cry. *Sniff*
*Sniff* I wish he'd wrap his tattooed arms around me and comfort
me in my adolescent weepiness. I can smell the gel in his pompadour!
He's so sensitive. Ugh, the shameless pandering to the teen
girls is deplorable. Of course, here I am a full-grown hetero,
adult male listening to this guy moan about chicks. What does
that make me? A sniveling emo boy-man, I guess. The amazing
homogeny between all the songs on this album is shocking, and,
like the evil kid who was always scratching his finger nails
on the chalkboard, gets real beat real quick. |
So Impossible ep
There are some seriously cringe-worthy lyrics
on this combination ep. I believe he asks the deep question,
"So, sneakers or flip-flops? I'm starting to panic!"
at one point during the thing. The guy wants so badly to be
Robert Smith, as he croons about love and safety and even loudly
emotes about what he's going to wear. Somehow he ruins it all
singing about "gettin' some" and pronounces "happy"
without the "h" sound at the beginning so you might
be fooled into thinking he's a whiny Brit and not just an American
castrato. If this is the crap teenage girls are listening to
these days, I may drown myself in a bucket. |
The Swiss Army Romance
Screaming homosexualities! Oh sorry, I can't
help but feel kinda, um, chick-like listening to this album.
Some will brand this "emo," but I can't help but call
it "A Very Special Episode of 91210" music. Can't
you just imagine Brian Austin Green cheating on Tori Spelling
while "Screaming Infidelities" plays over the montage
of him tearing the top off of some nubile co-ed with his teeth?
I mean this is teenage girl, bleeding heart crap. Plus, Chris
Carrabba is so, like, cute! This is the kind of stuff that can
get under your skin real quick--kind of a whiny version of early
Ben Lee. Just Carrabba and his acoustic
strumming is okay for about two and a half minutes, but after
that you want to grab the thing out of his hand, and, ala Bluto
in Animal House, smash the damn thing against the wall.
He hits some seriously scrotum shrinking high notes. Whew! |
Musical Connections:
The Promise
Ring
|
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