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Do you ever watch a
movie you just know is gonna suck? You ask yourself, "How bad could
it really be?" The answer is: about this bad. One of the biggest issues
the movie has isn't the terrible plot, awful direction or dreadful
dialogue, but its star, Jim Carrey. There's just no way to divorce
the guy who talked out his butt in Ace
Ventura from the douche in this movie. It's Jim Carey playing
the dual role of David Sparrow, the douchebag with the really subtle
name, and Fingerling, the other douchebag with the name you just don't
even want to say out loud. Sparrow is a guy in the real world, Fingerling
is a guy in a book about the number 23 that Sparrow's wife buys him
for no apparent reason for his birthday. Sparrow, as he reads the
book, starts to notice similarities between himself and this character
in the story. They are both attached for some reason to the number
23--duh. So Sparrow reads this book about the guy, and our hack director,
Joel Schumacher (the worst director on the planet to consistently
get work) shows his readings in cheeseball noir flashes, with Carey
also playing the character in the book, Madsen, Sparrow's wife, playing
a woman in the book (but with dark hair) and lots of fog and saxophone
playing. A bigger hack job there has never been. So Sparrow, the world's
slowest reader, starts to develop his own fascination/obsession with
the number 23, and applies it in all sorts of stupid ways. "I see
three dogs on the street in front of a house, whose street number
is 29 and a 2007 Toyota is parked in the driveway. Three dogs, 3 plus
street number of 29 is 32, minus 9 (2007 is 2+7) is 23!" It was completely
retarded. I think this movie was supposed to creepy and suspenseful,
but all I kept thinking was that Jim Carey was going to burst out
into song or something. I do want to say that there is something awesome
about this piece of garbage, though. It has possibly one of the best
bad ending lines of all time: "Maybe it's not the happiest of endings,
but it's the right one." Actually it's a terrible ending, and it's
completely the wrong one. The right ending would have been Schumacher
walking away in shame as Hollywood finally realizes that he is the
directing world's Hasselhoff.
[on demand]
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