Greno, Byron Howard | Starring:
Mandy Moore, Zachary Levi
| Runtime: 100m
| Rating (out of 5):
Buy on Amazon
|As a father, one is
obligated to occasionally go to the theater to see children's movies.
The ironic thing is that it often becomes the only time that I get
to go to the theater. I mean if I have a free night, I'm not going
to go sit in the dark not talking to Ms. Hipster for a couple hours.
I'm going to eat a good meal, drink lots of drinks and have a hearty
conversation and debate with her about the fact that the most efficient
meetings tend to only be scheduled for 30 minutes and last 28.
Tangled seemed like the least likely to offend when it came
to a weekend jaunt to the movies. I knew it was a play on the Repunzel
story, a story with which Hipster Jr. was and is familiar, so I'd
hopefully be doing less "translating" during the movie.
Granted, in a kid's movie some talking is accepted, as children (along,
it seems, with most women over the age of 65) have trouble following
plots and need some explanation to put understanding back on the rails.
That said, it's still a kid's movie, so the plot has to remain relatively
simple, standard and lesson-filled. This ain't no Ponyo.
In this version of the story, the Repunzel character gets this whole
magic flower thing inside her when she’s an infant that makes her
hair magic. This old hag figures out her hair is magic and will somehow
keep her young if she can posess it. So she kidnaps Repunzel, who
is the daughter of the king of the land, and locks her in a tower
so she can continuously use the hair to rejuvenate her aging self.
Meanwhile every year the king and queen and their happy subjects celebrate
(well, not celebrate) the disappearance of the princess. Enter the
rapscallion. The thief. The hooligan to come save her from the tower.
The cocky douche with a heart of gold who hides behind his bravado,
who has met his match in the form of this energetic dynamo.
Basically this dude, Flynn Ryder, stumbles upon the princess purely
by accident and a deal is struck after she knocks his ass out. He
will show her the world that she’s never seen and she’ll return the
tiara that he had stolen and had in his bag when he invaded her tree
tower. Let the wackiness and song commence! And God knows Disney loves
those road movies (Bolt, anyone?). And they
love those redemptive stories of the bad guy going straight and God
knows they love those fuckin’ princesses. I don’t know if it’s wrong
to cuss in the review of a kids’ movie, but I do know that all of
this is kind of wallpaper. For a movie that reportedly cost $260,000,000,
not a lot of it shows on screen. Sure, it’s 3D and stuff, but everything
is 3D these days. And clearly they didn’t pay the script doctors to
craft them something dynamic and original. They honestly fed this
one into the plot-o-matic 2000 and hit enter. It’s not that the characters
are terrible or the performances bad, but it just felt too predictable
and too paint-by-numbers to make any kind of lasting impression. I’m
sure this thing will sell a billion copies on DVD, and every little
girl in the world will watch it at slumber parties and whatnot, but
kids don’t know shit, do they? I mean, kids love that crap-ass Cars
movie, after all.
This leads me to the overall issue with rating young peoples’ movies
at all. They’re not really meant for me, so how can I give them like
four or five stars? I can appreciate that some movies—even movies
like this one—can be good for kids and enjoyable on some level for
adults, but it doesn’t mean they’re necessarily good movies. [Movie Theater, MF]
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This much ignorance
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Check out the albums that have left Mr. H with permanent hearing loss in his left ear, but a song in his heart