Ritchie | Starring:
Benicio Del Toro, Dennis Farina, Vinnie
Jones, Brad Pitt
| Runtime: 102m
| Rating (out of 5):
||I can imagine it's quite
emasculating to be married to Madonna. I don't care if you're the
meanest, toughest bastard on the face of the planet; Madonna wears
the pants in any family (as well as whatever else she dons in the
bedroom). That said, Mr. Madonna has gone out and made a total guy
movie (sorry about the coincidental first name thing.) He has made
a film that holds about as much interest for women as an athletic
supporter or the double beer helmet. "But the movie has Brad Pitt
in it!" you say. No, it's Brad Pitt doing his usual "ugly myself up
so I'm not seen as a matinee idol" routine. I swear he just takes
these greaseball parts so he doesn't have to shower. Sure the guy
takes his shirt off a lot, but he's greasy and unintelligible the
entire film. Anyway, there's lots of gunplay, fist fights, bad language,
dogs, goofy accents, fast cuts and weird camera angles. Sounds like
a chick-flick, eh? The reason this film doesn't get more stars is
because Guy Ritchie is just too wacky with the camera. Don't get me
wrong, I like it when a director tries new things with the camera
and editing. The problem here is that all of his moves are copped
from Scorsese, Joel Coen, Tarantino and whoever the guy is who directs
Malcom In the Middle. The wacky shots seemed forced and done
just for the sake of doing them. Granted, there are a few that are
funny and entertaining, but at some point they start to detract from
the film, and make it more kitschy than it needs to be. One complement
I do have is that this movie really speeds along. There are no dead
spots that I can recall, and this economy of screentime really works
to create the frenetic pace needed to sustain a good heist movie.
When you can actually understand what the characters are saying, there
are some pretty funny lines, and more than a couple good site gags.
I'm always a sucker for a good dog joke, and the pit bull with the
squeaky toy in his throat makes me laugh every time I think about
it. Benecio Del Toro spends the film mumbling through his greasy locks
in an indeterminate accent that is neither English, Welsh, Irish,
Spanish nor American. One scene in which he is gambling and drinking
in stop motion clips is one of the funniest visuals in the film. Pitt
plays a piker, which I gather is kind of like an Irish gypsy. He speaks
a kind of gypsy gibberish that only his gypsy buddies can understand.
This role is kind of a combination of his Fight Club and
Twelve Monkeys roles, here playing a somewhat psychotic/hyper
bare-knuckle boxing champ. It is funny seeing Dennis Farina
attempt to play a Jewish diamond dealer after years of playing a mob
boss and general wiseguy. He's about as convincing in the role as
Keeanu Reeves was as an FBI agent. Maybe this just makes it funnier.
There's a whole gang of wild, low-life characters that inhabit this
film, most with crazy nicknames like Bricktop, Boris "The Bullet Dodger,"
Frankie Four Fingers and Bullet Tooth Tony. This is your basic jewel
heist film with a twist. A bunch of bumbling idiots and thugs are
either after these stolen diamonds or after each other. Paths cross
and hijinks insue. The story revolves around underground boxing promoter
Turkish and his slightly dim partner, Tommy. They seem like good guys,
but they've gotten themselves in deep with some surly characters.
I have a feeling these two actors are going to get a lot of work from
this film (but who knows). My favorite thing about this movie (besides
it being incredibly entertaining) is that they made that f'n tool
Jeffrey Lyons say the word Snatch on national television. Hahahahaha!
Reviews of New York City's most popular (and least
popular) bars and restaurants.
This much ignorance
about literature can only lead to hurt feelings and a whole lot of
Check out the albums that have left Mr. H with permanent hearing loss in his left ear, but a song in his heart